Dysfunctional families

Now that we’re growing every day, our perspective on things changes. One of the topics I have been noticing for a long time is families and disputes among the relatives. I often wonder, what happens that your sibling remains no more the same, he or she becomes distant or you’re the one doing that. There are fights and arguments on the slightest of things, few people go on and don’t meet each other for days and months together, few are merry for a show-off but despise each other behind their backs and some, who cross the limits and wish the worst for each other.

How do families who once upon lived life together as kids and teenagers end up doing that to their own blood? Many times, this question pops up in my mind that why do people become distant after their marriages? Shouldn’t they care about relationships more than before because now they’re about to start their own family?

From growing up together to almost talking to each other for formalities, from being sister’s ever so protective brother to choosing wealth over relations, from smiling at each other and at the camera while taking photos to them just becoming long lost memories,

I’ve witnessed families dissolving.

No, it’s not great at all if someone looks after their own small family, forgetting siblings and probably the life before they got married. New relationships do require attention and care but definitely not at the cost of your old relations. There’s this hidden jealousy, unspoken problems, hypocrite relations and what not, in every family I’ve come across. There’s no doubt that there are peaceful families as well and some, who fights often but come running when the other one is in some sort of difficultly.

Let’s talk about why does this happen in the first place. Obviously, things going on around us are the signs of the end times but what is the cause of the evilness that has taken its roots in the hearts of the people? The simple and one-word answer is, “Jaahiliyat.”

Any sane person, be it a Muslim or not, be it someone who’s close to following the deen or not, there are basic principles which every human has to follow and lack of basic difference between the right and the wrong leads to jealousy followed by hatred and thus, ending of relationships. Of course, people who follow Islam and are close to aHadith and Quran would definitely find it easy to fight against all sorts of wrongdoings which has become normalcy now. The roots, if we see and think upon, lies in teaching the kids everything but not stressing upon the ethics, because ‘they will learn as they will grow’, they say but one never learns or marrying your daughter or son in families which dwell upon wealth and not deen. How many people we know or are we even one of those who has never backbitten about anyone? I feel, the problems arise when we’re comfortable talking about someone behind their back and make a laugh about it and meet them with smiling faces. How can we even possibly commit that sin and face that person? Is this not a betrayal to them and to ourselves?

It is important to know how much greatness lies in forgiving and asking for forgiveness. For, people who have failed their egos have been successful in saving relationships. One of the many reasons that people distance themselves from their own people is doubts. Doubts about what they think of you, what they’re doing to you, and many more. Problem being, lack of trust, and watching ASIAN dramas. The amount of negativity they show is just out of the limits. Problem is, to think you can get back at them with anything because they’ve done wrong to you, problem is to think you are right and others, wrong. Problem is, we’re all always interested in other’s lives, we always compare and is never satisfied with what we’ve got. How can we even expect to have a happy environment with habits as such?

Many of us are living in a toxic environment and maybe even grew up in one, try and save relations if you still have a chance, teach kids at your home things first which you learned very late, don’t let ‘normal sins’ become a normal part of your family. If you’re living in a non-joint family, know that your mother and father’s family is your family too, spend time with them and get to know them, because you’re today’s adult who has to start a family of your own tomorrow. Don’t just sit and watch your parents or your relatives talk about people to other people, or to you, just because they’re adults do not mean they’re right, correct them and learn from their mistakes because we know our generation of aunty and uncles is filled with irony, The least we can do is to avoid misunderstandings and give them perspective through Islam.

If someone has ever done evil to you, from your own family, before wishing them the same, take a moment and remind yourself and your parents about the blessings of forgiveness, let it just pass if you can bear with it. We as the coming generation can break stereotypes and be the change. Let’s not be an ignorant person who breaks relationships if he can’t handle them, let’s always remember people’s sacrifices for us and how much they’ve helped us in our weak times, remind yourself of the good times in the tough ones because, family, those who have it knows it strengthens and it weakens too, we have to choose for ourselves what it becomes for us.

What does it take to be genuinely good to people? What joy does it bring to wish evil? What has blinded your eyes and mind that you can’t see your own doings? It’s the greed and if nothing comes out of it, it’s the bliss of committing sins and choosing people over your relationship with Allah.

Article Composed by Faiza

(@ahmany.writes)

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